Rate my Rhyme and Help me with it?

I like the idea... it's not bad. I think it could be improved if you added a little bit of structure--making each line have the same amount of syllables like most poems, or have some pattern in the amount of syllables per line. I think that would help it flow better. Also, you use the rhyme of old and sold twice pretty close together. See if you can come up with something else for one of them. Otherwise, I like the idea, and I can hear it sounding great in my head when I read it. Good luck in the competition!